EVERY Pokémon is someone’s favourite Pokémon, even though some are the absolute worst.
Be it because of an emotional connection, reliability, or a cool design, there’s a reason to love any and every Pokémon that has ever been made.
However, that doesn’t make them all equal. The Pokédex is rapidly approaching 1,000 unique creatures, and there’s simply no way that 1,000 of anything can all be great.
Today we’re looking at the bottom of the barrel. Pokémon that are uncreative or downright ugly in their designs, useless on the battlefield, and all-around hard to love. Someone out there loves them, but we sure don’t.
Apologies in advance, Generation 5.
It’s hard to even describe Slurpuff’s horrific ugliness. Is it supposed to look like a friendly old woman? Or a little girl? Or maybe even a dog?
It looks a little like all three, but whatever it is, it’s not appealing. The way its tongue hangs out of its mouth is really weird, and that particular mix of pink is far from attractive.
Simisage, Simisear, and Simipour
This trio of monkeys are what would happen if the Pokémon team tried to design the worst Starter Pokémon ever.
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These early-game Unovan Pokémon are not only ugly, but they’re pointless.
The idea of the first gym in Black & White is to show players how to overcome type weaknesses, but the game immediately undercuts it by giving players the monkey with a type advantage over their opponent.
There is simply no reason for them to exist.
There are loads of great fish Pokémon like Lumineon, Alomamola, and Remoraid just to name a few. Bruxish wishes it could stand in that pantheon, but it doesn’t even come close.
The conflicting colours could’ve worked if the rest of the Pokémon looked a bit nicer, but the huge lips with the gnashing teeth ruin the whole thing.
The middle form of these early game bugs are often designed to be useless, but they still have something to make them lovable.
Metapod and Kakuna have the memes backing them up, but what does Spewpa have? Nothing, and that’s its biggest problem.
We look at it and we see a giant heap of nothing. No interesting features, no use in battle, and no reason to ever catch one.
It’s one thing to be an unappealing Pokémon. It’s another thing to be an appealing Pokémon with other ‘mon already doing your job better.
The problem with Swalot is that you can replace it with a Muk and everything is instantly improved.
There’s no expression or personality in Swalot, it’s just a big blob and there’s nothing more to say about it.
What if a rock had hands? What if those hands had eyes?
There are ways this idea could’ve worked (see any Zelda or Mario hand-eye boss) but Binacle has got to be one of the ugliest possibilities.
Especially because, rather than doing the sensible thing and putting one eye on each hand, both hands have two eyes which is somehow even weirder.
Vanilluxe has become the poster child for lazy Pokémon designs and it’s easy to see why.
Generation 5 was especially full of designs that just slapped a face on an inanimate object.
They weren’t all bad, Chandeure has a certain charm but the vast majority are uninteresting, and it doesn’t help Vanilluxe’s case that it’s hilariously weak.
It’s literally a giant pile of trash, what more is there to say?
Lickitung is a bit of a weird Pokémon, but it’s got a certain charm to it that stops it from falling into the bin. No such charm can be found on Lickilicky.
First of all, the name: ew. Second of all, the way it carries itself with a little more dignity makes it uncomfortable to look at.
It’s like it doesn’t know it’s a joke. At least Lickitung feels a little tongue-in-cheek with its attitude.
Throh & Sawk
These look far too humanoid to be acceptable Pokémon designs.
One is a short man with sunburn, the other is a tall man with frostbite, and they’re both very upsetting to look at.
Even if you can get over that, the fact that they’re born wearing karate clothes must be a deal-breaker.
Can they take it off or is it part of their flesh? What would they look like without them on? Do we even want to know?
Written by Ryan Woodrow on behalf of GLHF.
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