I lived with the shame for years until the Truth Project let me tell my story, and empowered me to call for healing and justice
The abuse I experienced as a child has reverberated throughout my life. I didn’t allow anybody to touch me, beyond a handshake or a peck on the cheek, for 15 years. It planted in me the sense that everything to do with sex or my body was wrong. I was an aberration, not a proper man. I put off speaking openly about the abuse because I was paralysed by this shame. But then, five years ago, something remarkable happened.
The abuse started when I was nine, at a state primary school in Gravesend, Kent, in the 1960s. My teacher asked me to stand beside him behind his desk and read aloud to the class, while he secretly pushed his hand up my shorts and tried to masturbate me. He then asked me to stay behind at playtime and help tidy up the nature study table. We did not do tidying. The abuse lasted intermittently for the whole school year. He groomed me by praising me and regularly placing me top of the class. He also groomed my mother by telling her how clever I was. In so doing he effectively silenced me. Abuse is always secret. Shh! Don’t tell anyone.
Patrick Sandford is a playwright and the writer of Groomed, a play about his experiences
The NSPCC offers support to children on 0800 1111, and adults concerned about a child on 0808 800 5000. The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (Napac) offers support for adult survivors on 0808 801 0331. Other sources of help can be found at Child Helplines International
Information and support for anyone affected by rape or sexual abuse issues is available from the following organisations. In the UK, Rape Crisis offers support on 0808 802 9999 in England and Wales, 0808 801 0302 in Scotland, or 0800 0246 991 in Northern Ireland. Other international helplines can be found at ibiblio.org/rcip/internl.html
Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here.
