If you like all things piggy, then you will feel right at home here

The Pigs, Edgefield near Holt, Norfolk NR24 2RL (01263 587634). Starters £4.50 or £8 per head for a selection, mains £14-£15.50, desserts £6.25, wines from £21

Restaurant names matter. If you reference hedgerows, petals and berries, you are telling us you cook only to serve nature’s bounty. You may do it brilliantly or not very well at all, but at least we know your intention before crossing the threshold. Use words related to the shore and we have an expectation of a menu built around the most recent catch. And if you call your restaurant Sexy Fish, it indicates you have the sensibility of a 14-year-old boy who gets off on the underwear ads in his mother’s copy of Cosmopolitan. If you honestly think this is a good name for a restaurant, you should be forced to sit in a locked room with a pile of rotting herring for two days. Then you can tell us how bloody sexy you think fish really are. If this reads as if I have some corrosive beef with restaurateur Richard Caring, that’s because I do; the tawdry stereotypes used to market his Ivy Asia restaurants are fully deserving of opprobrium.

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