I’m losing patience with friends who behave badly yet demand total loyalty. But am I really any better myself?
Two years ago, I ended a friendship. There’s no right or wrong way to break up with a friend, but a sensible thing might be to tell someone that they are no longer serving your needs – and to quietly disentangle your life from theirs. I didn’t do this. I swore at them over WhatsApp and didn’t respond to their messages ever again.
I’m not an advocate of the current “fuck your friends” mode of self care that posits you shouldn’t feel a need to answer your phone, accept invitations or listen to people’s problems if you don’t feel like it. I think friendship is about showing up even if you don’t particularly feel like it. But I also have a tendency to put up with some particularly bad friendships for much longer than is necessary, and this was one of them. I was strung out from making allowances and excuses for this friend, and that day I’d reached my breaking point.
Eli Goldstone is the author of Strange Heart Beating
