I understand your urge to help but, as you say, the fact that you don’t bring it up could be what makes you a valued friend
Over the years, my best friend and I have shared the highs and lows of motherhood, career and family. As we get older, however, it troubles me that we have never discussed her well-hidden eating disorder.
When I found out she had disordered eating (it took me years to realise, as she is very clever), I decided to wait until she was ready to talk. But now, a decade on, I think it unlikely that this conversation will ever happen. There was one opportunity recently, when she had to have some teeth re-veneered, and said breezily, “I wonder why that had to happen?”, but I was too slow to seize it and ask a question.
