We could take this once-in-a-generation chance to reimagine work – or just go back to endless emails about shared fridges
Obviously look away now if you have ever personally employed me, but: I don’t think I’ve ever done an afternoon’s work in my life. It’s just not really my vibe. I learned a long time ago that most of my focus happens to me in the morning. There’s a fairly juicy period of concentration between 10am and 1pm, but once I’ve been to Pret and picked out an egg sandwich it really is game over for the rest of my day. You’re welcome to email me, of course, and sometimes you will get a reply. If you look at me at my desk, I do a very good pantomime of doing work (a furrowed brow, some frenzied clicking, spinning a pen on my fingers). But fundamentally nothing’s getting done again until tomorrow; 60% of my salaried working life I just spent looking at football forums and browsing eBay. Nobody has ever, ever noticed this about me.
This is because most office jobs aren’t really real.
