“Hang on!” shouts Charles Antaki. “Thomas Vermaelen in the back three – is that the same Thomas Vermaelen, 87, (actually 35, but hey), was pretty good when he played for Arsenal, pretty poor when he played (when not injured) for FC Barcelona, and who-knows-how-good when playing nine games in the J-League this year? I know that Ronaldo isn’t quite as fast as he used to be, but the green lights must already be flashing in his eyes.”

The Belgium back three have a combined age of 101, which is coincidentally the age at which Cristiano Ronaldo plans to retire from professional football.

The reward for tonight’s winners is a mouthwatering quarter-final against Italy in Munich on Friday night. The winners of that game will play France, Switzerland, Spain or Croatia in the semis.

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