Had you thought of being paid more, suggests one minister. Who dares claim the government has no bright ideas
Given the employee calibre and attrition rate of this government, it’s always a heart-in-mouth moment when they unleash a previously unheard-of minister on the airwaves. Much like the bit in the Simpsons where Mr Burns releases the winged monkeys from his window with a hopeful “Fly, my pretties – fly!”. When thuds and bloodcurdling shrieks follow, he turns to his retainer, Smithers, with the curt instruction: “Continue the research.”
Perhaps No 10’s comms geniuses felt this way when they debuted the hitherto deservedly obscure safeguarding minister, Rachel Maclean, on to Monday’s breakfast shows to discuss the cost of living crisis. Who knows why the random nitwit generator machine had made it Rachel’s turn? Maybe Helen Whately was refusing to come out of her trailer. In many ways I refuse to believe Rachel even is the safeguarding minister – a huge part of me assumes she is just a character hastily assembled from discarded awayday ideas and then given a pretend job title that it would feel rude to argue with. “Just say she’s the ‘safeguarding minister’. Sounds like a thing.” As for Rachel’s thoughts on how increasingly anxious citizens can respond to multiple financial pressures, let’s see them fly. “We need to have a plan to grow the economy,” she hazarded (no shit), “and to make sure that people are able to protect themselves better, whether that is by taking on more hours or moving to a better paid job.”
Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist
