If you find MasterChef too high-octane, this might just be the low-stakes TV you’ve been hunting for
Thousands of people in the UK, like me, are part of a sordid and secret society. My family do not know about my participation in this community, and neither do my friends. To them I am a normal person, who smiles and nods and holds conversations. And then I go home and – I can barely bring myself to say. I … debase myself by watching loads of clips of Dragons’ Den on YouTube.
The DDYTUK (Dragons’ Den YouTube UK) community is made up of people who once innocently watched a Dragons’ Den clip on YouTube, and thought that would be the end of it. But then it gets its claws in you. Each clip is the same: between nine and 11 minutes long, and encompasses a pitch in its entirety. The ride up the lift; the “Hello, Dragons”; the smile and awkward cough; the two-minute spiel and five-minute interrogation; the bit where Duncan Bannatyne turns completely sideways for some reason; the offers. Somehow, over the course of this, you become deeply attached to the success or failure of a product, and when you move out into the real world and see it on shelves, you feel a pang of support. There is a little noise buried deep within the Dragons’ Den ambient soundtrack – a chirruping little bip-boop – that comes feverishly to me in my dreams.
