Self-esteem is confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, “I am loved”, “I am worthy”) as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame–Wikipedia.
Self-esteem is also the way we view ourselves, whether negative or positive. It is an attractive psychological construct because it predicts certain outcomes, such as academic achievement, career pursuit, happiness, satisfaction in marriage and relationships, and criminal behavior. It is based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, which can be difficult to change. It can also be referred to as self-worth, self-love, self-acceptance, etc.
Self-esteem is the foundation for self-love and self-acceptance. Without a healthy self-esteem, it is difficult, if not impossible to accept love or acceptance from others. Those with limited self-worth are more susceptible to experience toxic relationships and self-defeating behaviors which can include negative self-talk, avoidance of closeness to others, comparing themselves to others, or destroying relationships because they feel undeserving of them. In like manner, those who are raised not to recognize their competencies or skills often struggle with feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem throughout life.
According to therapist.com, there are three levels of self-esteem: low, healthy, and excessive self-esteem. Your level of self-esteem will likely change as you age.
Low self-esteem is characterized by feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. People with low self-esteem try not to attract too much attention to themselves. They may speak softly and also have difficulty accepting compliments and prioritizing their own needs. They doubt their own abilities, are afraid to try new things, and often avoid taking risks of any kind. There are warning signs that self-worth is lacking in an individual, and they are:
- feeling uncomfortable or too self-aware amidst others;
- avoidance of new places, relationships, and situations;
- history of abusive or disregarding relationships where basic needs are often not catered for;
- seeking approval from others;
- settling for shallow or unprofitable relationships despite the toxicity;
- deep feelings of shame or not feeling “good enough;”
- inability to accept compliments from others;
- people-pleasing behavior;
- sensitive to criticism or a fear of being judged by others;
- social anxiety or fear of being considered as worthless.
Healthy self-esteem is characterized by knowing and celebrating your identity. You are able to identify and use your strengths while readily admitting and being mindful of your weaknesses. Instead of putting on a certain identity for others, you know who you are and are able to show up as your full self, regardless of what others may think about you. Signs of healthy self-esteem include:
- being vulnerable with those you love;
- being confidence without being aggressive;
- setting boundaries;
- seeking feedback/constructive criticism from people you trust;
- accepting failure as a normal part of life;
- believing in your inherent worth, regardless of what others say or think;
- using your voice and standing up for others;
- knowing and accepting both your strengths and your weaknesses;
- not being ashamed to ask for help.
Excessive self-esteem is characterized by an overestimation of your skills, abilities, and importance. Just like low self-esteem, excessive self-esteem may be caused by a lack of confidence or a feeling of unworthiness. People who possess this type of self-esteem can harbor narcissistic tendencies and may rationalize manipulative behavior toward others as a necessary evil to achieve their own interests. Signs of excessive self-esteem are:
- arrogance;
- feeling superior to others;
- impulsive, reckless, or attention-seeking behavior;
- the need to always perform for others;
- sense of entitlement;
- disrespect for rules/constituted authorities;
- inability to accept feedback, criticism, or failure;
- manipulation of others.
Self-esteem is an important building block for your mental wellness. Low-self esteem is related to anxiety, depression, self-harm, and other mental health disorders. On the other hand, excessive self-esteem could be related psychopathy, sociopathy and narcissism. You can take steps to improve your self-esteem by prioritizing self-care, practicing self-compassion, learning to accept failure as part of life, admitting your mistakes and find a way forward, acknowledging your strengths and work on your weaknesses, setting realistic goals, avoiding comparison, building positive relationships, giving yourself a challenge, being kind to yourself, learning to say no when it is not convenient, adjusting your thought and belief patterns, and staying mindful.
Self-esteem impacts your decisions, your relationships, your emotional health, and your overall well-being. It also influences your motivation towards life, as people with a healthy, positive view of themselves understand their abilities and may feel inspired to take on new challenges. There are many factors that can influence self-esteem. Your self-esteem may be affected by age, disabilities, genetics, illness, physical abilities, socioeconomic status, thought patterns, etc.
Though some of the causes of low self-esteem cannot be changed, such as genetic factors, early childhood experiences, and personality traits, there are steps you can take to feel more secure and valued. Remember that no one person is less worthy than the other. Keeping this in mind may help you maintain a healthy sense of self-esteem. You are the best of your kind!
