A single friend of mine is having a recurring problem when dating. When John is out on a date, everything goes well to begin with.
He impresses his potential love interests with tales of a diplomatic career that’s taken him all around the world, his numerous interests and great singing voice.
It’s all looking good — until he is inevitably asked where he lives. John, who is 35, currently lives at home with his parents. It is fair to say his dates are not impressed.
‘You do know having your own place is a fundamental mark of success?’ he’s invariably told, in not so many words. ‘It shows you’re independent.’
But why? John asks back. John is the epitome of independent. He lived abroad for more than a decade, and has supported himself financially ever since he went out and got a job straight from university.
![Sharing the costs: In the UK, taboo still remains around adults living in the family home. But it is often an enjoyable way to live with real benefits for all family members](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2023/06/20/15/72334163-0-image-a-2_1687272424782.jpg)
Sharing the costs: In the UK, taboo still remains around adults living in the family home. But it is often an enjoyable way to live with real benefits for all family members
But he also likes his family and — especially after years away — enjoys living with his parents and sharing the household costs.
‘If you’re looking for someone independent, that’s me,’ John explains. ‘But I am also someone who is loyal, values family and being able to spend time with people I care about.’
In the UK, a taboo still remains around adults living in the family home. But why? Why is there such hesitancy to admit that it is often an enjoyable way to live with real benefits for all family members?
I’m sure some parents look forward to an empty nest, but many are happy to continue living as a family unit.
Take, for example, reader Sandra Dew from Leominster, Herefordshire, 65, who told me this week that her youngest daughter and partner and her grandson moved in with her three years ago and it suits all of them well.
‘We split the bills, I help out with childcare and they look after my dogs when I go on holiday,’ says Sandra.
The rising cost of living means that, had they not moved in and shared the bills, Sandra would have struggled to keep the heating on and pay for groceries.
‘My great grandmother lived with her daughter and son-in-law after losing her husband in World War I until her death in 1974,’ she adds. ‘If you get on, I think the idea of living with grandparents is the way forward.’
Sure, not all families get on as well as John’s and Sandra’s — but why should they be made to feel embarrassed when they do?
And why is it so much more socially acceptable for family members to live together when one or more needs looking after than when they are in good health?
Globally, adults living with their parents is often the norm.
In countries such as Malta, Croatia, Italy and Greece, young adults don’t tend to leave home until they hit their 30s.
In China and India it’s more taboo to have other people looking after your elderly parents than forming multi-generational households.
And in the UK, it is increasingly common for adults to live with their parents. Close to five million do — an increase of 15 per cent in a decade.
Young adults who live at home are often on a faster track to home ownership than those renting by themselves or with friends.
After all, they are likely to be in a better position to save for a deposit if they don’t pay private rental costs.
Of course, it is not always out of choice. It is sad when people cannot live where and with whom they choose because of financial pressures. But when that happens, it’s not because they’ve failed — it’s because we’ve failed them.
We’ve created an economy where tenants in the UK have to fork out 28 per cent of their pre-tax pay on rent on average, according to figures released by property portal Zoopla yesterday.
And we’ve ended up in a situation where the number of first-time buyers in the UK dropped by 11 per cent last year as the average deposit required soared to £62,500, according to data from Halifax.
Growing numbers of households could be forced to move in with other family members and share costs as mortgage payments continue to rise.
It’s time to rethink how we judge people who live with family — whether they’ve chosen to or have no other option.
John looks forward to finding someone who appreciates the fact he lives at home — and his mum looks forward to meeting them.
Let me know your experience — I’d love to hear your stories.