A trend for single-file bar queues snaked into our beloved drinking establishments during the pandemic. It is time to return to free-for-all chaos

It was my round at my local pub, so I wandered in and joined the queue for the bar. With precious minutes to kill, I checked my phone to find an email from a colleague despairing at this new thing, “queueing up for a pint like it’s Pret”. Huh? Oh yeah, I’m standing in one. Funny that. I’d dimly registered as much without really noticing. And, come to think of it, yes, it has become a thing.

And why not? I know it’s not traditional, but tradition isn’t everything. What’s worth preserving about ye olde practice of large, shouty blokes like me, two-deep at the bar, all a-clamour for the barkeep’s attention? What of smaller, quieter, less determined, less ruthless people? Their pride and patience and nerves risk a shredding as their thirsts remain unslaked. A friend of mine, tall and handsome but somehow a little ashamed of being both, was never equal to the struggle. “I’ll just for ever be ignored by barmen of all nations,” he once said to me, sadly.

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