A wealth of research shows that women apologize far more often than men – even when they’ve done nothing wrong.
And now a new study shows that, at least in the workplace, they’ve been saying sorry all wrong.
According to new research by scientists at the University of Arizona, apologizing in an assertive, typically masculine way will get you further in the workplace.
In a series of four studies, researchers asked 800 male and female participants to judge a series of different written apologies written by real people.
Participants were asked to consider how genuine they thought the apology was, and whether it would make them more or less inclined to want to work with the apologizer.
Women who apologized with more assertive language received better responses, and men who used more feminine language gained more sympathy for being seen as ‘sensitive’
They found that women who used more assertive, ‘masculine’ language were rated more highly.
They identified the same pattern: assertive apologies from women received more ‘likes’ and positive comments from tweeters.
Sarah Doyle, study author and a professor in the Department of Management and Organizations at the University of Arizona, said: ‘We found that women delivering masculine-style apologies benefited because they were seen as enhancing their perceived competence.’
The first of several studies involved examining 87 apology tweets from celebrities like Lizzo, Kevin Hart, Tyler Posey, and Kendra Wilkinson.
Dr Doyle said that tweets violating gender stereotypes received an average of 17,000 more likes on the platform and more positive sentiments from the public.
In the second study, 336 working adults were asked to imagine their accountant had emailed them apologizing for a mistake on their taxes.
Participants were randomly assigned to groups classified by the accountant delivering a stereotypically masculine or feminine apology.
The subjects were then asked to rate how likely they were to keep working with the accountant.
The researchers found that participants were more likely to keep using a female accountant who delivered an typically masculine apology.
Interestingly, breaking gender stereotypes appeared to be equally beneficial for men.
Men who apologized like women were eight percent more effective.
‘The men delivering apologies with more stereotypically feminine language were seen as having greater interpersonal sensitivity that enhanced their perceived benevolence or warmth,’ the study authors said.
Dr Doyle said: ‘It’s important to mention that we did not find that men and women are penalized for giving a stereotypical apology.’
‘Rather, they benefit from giving a counter-stereotypical one. Thus, any apology is likely to be better than no apology at all.’
The team hopes to use the results to examine how communication can be improved beyond apologizing.
‘Much of the literature suggests women apologize too much and men don’t apologize enough,’ Dr Doyle said.
‘It’s not just about whether people should apologize more or less, but how we can construct apologies differently. It’s what you include in that apology that’s really going to matter.’
