The US psychology professor talks about her new book on the experience of losing a loved one and the lessons we can learn
Mary-Frances O’Connor is an associate professor at the University of Arizona, where she leads the grief, loss and social stress (Glass) lab, investigating the effects of grief on the brain and the body.
Why do humans grieve? One of the earliest things that we learn is that we’re all going to die, so when it happens, why is it such a shock?
I think a lot of people historically have struggled to understand why there is grief, and in a funny sort of way, it is a byproduct of love. What I mean by that is, when we bond with another person, our spouse or our child, the way that gets encoded includes this belief that they will always be there for us and we will always be there for them. This is why we can kiss our partner goodbye in the morning and go on our separate ways to work, with the deep knowledge that we will come back together again at the end of the day.
The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss is published by HarperOne (£20). To support the Guardian and Observer order your copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply
