“Juan love,” says the subject line of the next email. “It’s unfortunate,” Peter Oh continues, “that a certain Spanish technician is no longer at United to compete for a place in midfield. I would have loved to make a ‘Mainoo over Mata’ quip.”

An email! “From the glory days of superweight sparring,” says Krish Krishnamoorthy, “this has been reduced to a sideshow. A mid-table skirmish far from the race to the title. I anticipate a terrible game probably ending in a 1-1 draw with a couple of comic goals.”

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