Even the kindest and most caring of people can be selfish sometimes, but could the person you’re dating actually be a narcissist without you realising?
Thankfully, a relationship expert has revealed the eight red flags to watch out for – from your partner being ‘too attentive’ to ‘turning everything around on you’.
Tina Wilson, British founder of Wingman, told FEMAIL how narcissistic traits include having an unreasonable high sense of their own importance and they seek attention and admiration.
In dating, a narcissist will often fail to care or understand their partner’s feelings which can cause the relationship to breakdown, according to the dating expert. But spotting the signs early on can save any heartache.
Here, Tina, reveals the top eight warning signs that your new love could be a narcissist…
In dating, a narcissist will often fail to care or understand their partner’s feelings which can cause the relationship to breakdown, according to a dating expert. But spotting the signs early on can save any heartache (stock photo)
1. They are too attentive
Tina warned against dating someone who almost ‘feels too good to be true’, explaining: ‘We all have our quirks that make us human but a narcissist will often lure in their victims by being everything they think their new partner would want.
‘This includes being attentive, caring, slightly jealous and always present or thinking of you, even answering texts and calls whenever you need them. Beware though, this doesn’t last long.’
She added that it shouldn’t be confused with the honeymoon phase ‘when you are both eager to see each other and communicate non-stop’.
‘This appears more self serving and it satisfies their needs more than yours or your blossoming relationship,’ insisted Tina.
‘If things appear too good to be true, don’t ring the alarm bells straight way but pay extra close attention to their actions to see for sure what direction this is going in.
‘I am not saying dump them just yet but keep your guard up and proceed with two eyes open.’
2. They constantly give themselves third party admirations
‘Be aware if they say “People say I’m great” because a narcissist loves to constantly tell tales of how amazing people think they are or how they’re celebrated,’ claimed the relationship expert.
‘These sayings indicate the biggest red flags – “my boss says I’m the best”, “People love me” – all of these comments are made to reinforce their belief system as they truly believe if they say it, then it will be so.
‘Try turning the tables and see what happens. Talk up your own accomplishments or experiences and see how your new partner reacts.
‘If magically the conversation suddenly has a way of bringing them back into the spotlight, then they are likely displaying narcissistic behaviours and are not celebrating you.’
3. They are never wrong
Tina said: ‘Stop and pay attention if you find yourself second-guessing your own belief system or version of events.’
She claimed a ‘true narcissist’ will never admit they’re wrong. ‘If anyone questions what they say; it will be met with an attacking or spiteful response, usually putting you down, in order for them to feel better,’ added the dating expert.
‘A healthy relationship should bring out the best in you and not bring to the surface any insecurities, feelings you are out of sync with yourself or belittled.
‘Ask yourself if you feel you are changing for them but to the detriment of yourself? Some time for self-awareness is key to assess the version of events, the emotional impact on you and if your wellbeing is being compromised.
‘Taking time to put things into perspective will help you think clearly and decide if your new love is in fact displaying narcissistic behaviours.’
4. They gaslight you
‘Narcissists will try to make you reliant on them as their opinion of themselves is so over inflated that they feel the attention they are giving you will secure you,’ insisted Tina.
‘Then they begin to show their true self and start to criticise your behaviour or the way you dress to make you question yourself.
‘If you were to dare bring one of these conversations up they would deflect it back to you and say they never said that or you’re too sensitive. In the dating app world we call this gaslighting.
‘If you sense things are moving into gaslighting territory communicate and set your boundaries early on and see if any positive changes take place.
‘Confide in your friends and family as soon as possible. Maintaining a support network is really important because it is common for people who find themselves in a relationship where gaslighting exists, to often pull back from friends and family.’
5. They appear to live in a fantasy world
Tina said: ‘Do they tell you of some fabulous stories of their job or connections which all sounds so plausible and real that you would never question it when you first meet someone as why would they lie?
‘But then if you question the authenticity of such claims it gives an explosive reaction that is not appropriate. Manifesting hopes and dreams is one thing but living a fantasy life that proves to be fictitious is big cause for concern.
‘Approach the situation calmly and cleverly. Show curiosity without giving away scepticism and clearly listen to what they respond with.
‘You want to avoid a defensive answer but also address any concerns in a strategic way to understand why they are exaggerating or lying.
‘Social media can be helpful when finding out about a new person and if there is no online presence, again that should set the alarm bells off.’
6. They turn everything around on you
The dating expert explained: ‘Projection is a very clear and direct sign that you may think you would spot immediately, but many of us have been fooled into believing we have upset or hurt the narcissist when we haven’t.
‘As they tell us how cold we are and haven’t been loving lately when it would be exactly the behaviour they are displaying and not the other way around.
‘Be aware that projection in relationships can be a manipulative tactic to turn things back on you. Go with your own instincts.
‘If they keep accusing you of upsetting them when in fact there is no basis to their accusations, then you are likely dating a narcissist and should walk away. You can never change them as they see themselves as perfect.’
Even the kindest and most caring of people can be selfish sometimes, but could the person you’re dating actually be a narcissist without you realising? (stock photo)
7. They are the King/Queen of the castle
‘The ego is off the scale. Many successful people have a slightly inflated ego but not a god complex yet a narcissist will believe themselves to be special and that really no one will ever meet their level,’ said Tina.
‘Therefore they will work their way through partners and when they are no longer useful, they find another partner that doesn’t question their lies. They will cut you off.
‘Find out if you are at the end of a long line of people they have dated. If they keep churning through partners because they clearly can’t keep their ego in their back pocket, accept you are number two and ultimately be prepared emotionally for when they likely cut you off next.’
8. You’ve stopped listening to your friends
Tina warned: ‘If you show signs of being withdrawn, your friends will notice as a narcissist often makes us question our behaviour and doubt ourselves.
‘Remember, a classic sign of narcissists is their encouragement for you in any way they can to pull back from your friends or loved ones, all to their own advantage.
‘It’s normal, especially in early relationships, to spend more time together as a couple as you get to know each other, but have you stopped listening to sounds advice from those around you? Have you shut them off? Feel your own behaviour is changing? These are clear warning signs. Friends know us best and if they are true friends only want what is best for us.
‘Remember your friends really do know you better than anyone and when in a relationship setting, if your friends say your partner is controlling or wonder why you don’t seem yourself, they want to help. Don’t push them away, talk, it will help.’
