Loved ones who behave badly are easier to forgive than strangers, a new study has found, but we still feel shame for their sins.
Researchers discovered that people experience less anger, contempt and disgust when it is their family or friends who have committed transgressions.
This is because they believe them to be more moral and want to punish them less than strangers, according to the study.
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Loved ones who behave badly are easier to forgive than strangers, a new study has found, but we still feel shame for their sins (stock image)
However, people felt more shame, guilt and embarrassment when someone close to them behaved unethically, and found themselves doubting their own morality.
‘Our findings suggest that having a close relationship with the transgressor heavily affects responses to their bad behaviour,’ said lead author Rachel Forbes, from the University of Toronto.
‘When someone close to us behaves unethically, we face a conflict between upholding our moral values and maintaining our relationship.’
More than 1,100 people took part in the research, which involved four experiments by the American Psychological Association.
In one experiment, participants read about a hypothetical situation in which a romantic partner, a close friend or a stranger committed an unethical or immoral act, such as stealing money from a charity collection jar.
In another participants were asked to recall a moment when they had witnessed a partner, friend or stranger commit an unethical or immoral act.
The third experiment saw people keep a log of moral transgressions they witnessed each day for 15 days.
In each case participants answered a series of questions about the person who committed the act, the severity of it and how harshly the transgressor should be punished.
They were also asked how they felt about themselves, including any negative emotions they experienced and their own sense of morality.
Forgiveness: Researchers discovered that people experience less anger, contempt and disgust when it is their family or friends who have committed transgressions (stock image)
In all three experiments, researchers found participants felt less anger, contempt and disgust toward family and close friends who behaved badly.
The final experiment saw people paired with a romantic partner, a close friend or a stranger. They were then taken to separate rooms and asked to respond in writing to a series of questions about themselves.
The pairs then swapped answers and were told to transcribe them into a book.
In the first instance, participants received genuine answers, but in the second they were given fake responses indicating their partner had behaved unethically by lying, plagiarising or acting selfishly.
Again they answered questions about their partner, the transgression, how harsh the punishment should be and their feelings about themselves.
The results were similar to the first three experiments, but the effect was not as strong.
Researchers think this may be because the unethical information was unknown to the participants prior to the experiment and was first shared with them in a brazen way by a stranger.
‘It’s possible that participants were upset with their close others because they did not tell the participant about the unethical acts beforehand and instead chose to tell the researcher,’ Forbes said.
‘Hearing about an unethical behaviour by someone you care about from a stranger is likely to be a bit more jarring than hearing about it directly from your friend or loved one.’
She added: ‘One important limitation in our work is that we did not examine responses to extremely severe immoral actions.
‘Highly immoral acts would certainly place a greater strain on the relationship and therefore could show different effects.’
The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.