The dilemma coming to a staycation near you: what do you do when one of you tests positive four days into a holiday?
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Planning a staycation? My 12 longed-for days in Cornwall shrank to four thanks to a certain virus we are to be living with, sans restrictions, as of tomorrow. It was a tantalising micro-break. Two surfing lessons, one indulgent poach in a hot tub, one portion of fish and chips and one absurdly scenic hike. Nanjizal beach – believe the hype – was deserted apart from two very patient geologists.

Then the app pinged a family member, who later tested positive. We had been ascribing his mild symptoms to too much fun. We debated options – self-isolate in an Airbnb we were due to leave or risk a hefty fine to drive home to best ensure biosecurity. A wild guess suggests this may happen to a few people this summer so I offer up my experience, with the deep understanding that these are, absolutely, first-world problems. Many minutes on hold to 119 resolved our dilemma. Yes, we could go home if we didn’t stop and ate only at drive-throughs and used petrol pumps with pin pads. Reader, we peed in a nettly layby. I can exclusively reveal that Stonehenge from the A303 looks like a Styrofoam mock-up. There could have been something in my eye.

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