The security meltdown at Wembley, beamed live to the world, was topped only by the prime minister’s ‘levelling-up’ gibberish

Boris Johnson’s major speech to explain the “levelling-up” agenda opted instead to completely level it. I can’t say I’ve ever cared for this phrase “levelling up”. It has base notes of Fred West. The fact that no member of Johnson’s government seems to know what it is reinforces the suspicion that it’s a good place to bury bad motives. I can no longer hear the phrase used by a cabinet minister without picturing the individual in question smoothing over some wet concrete and congratulating himself on some good “levelling up”.

The prime minister had the chance to create new images, of course, but preferred to brutalise metaphor. We learned from this celebrated prose stylist, mere words apart, that the economy is both “poised to recover like a coiled spring” and “slowly and cautiously picking itself up off the floor”. It was hardcore gibberish. I refuse to believe there was anything on his autocue, unless it was the words: “YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN, BIG BOY – WELCOME TO YOUR ANXIETY DREAM.”

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