Batley and Spen’s voters have rejected him, after a byelection campaign so toxic you’d need a hazmat suit just to read about it

The three most prominent hat-wearing guys in public life are George Galloway, weirdo anatomist Gunther von Hagens, and that rapist who used to own Blackpool football club. Sorry, but case closed. Hang on, Bono once sued a former U2 stylist all the way to the high court for the return of a hat – though of course, there’s nothing there to make one reopen the case files either.

Anyway, shortly after 5am this morning, George Galloway’s hat could be found outside the Batley and Spen byelection count, bobbing along on top of a speech of quite hilarious self-pity. “This was peak Kirklees,” intoned its wearer in that sonorous voice which always implies he’s reading the last rites of democracy itself, as opposed to saying some shit for coins on Putin TV. “Not even enough chairs for people to sit on. Not even a coffee at 4am.”

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