Locked down and worrying about our wellbeing, more and more of us have been looking for clues in what we leave in the toilet. Are we wasting our time?

I was minding my own business on a lockdown walk when I saw the advert on the side of a bus shelter. It featured seven shiny pink shapes. Were those sex toys, I wondered, interspersed with puddles of Angel Delight? Only when I read the captions (“The smooth criminal, the smashed avo, the poonami; London, how do you poo?”) did I realise what I was looking at.

These, it turned out, were visual metaphors for assorted types of stool. And of course, in the Instagram era, they were millennial pink. Literally polished turds, they were part of a campaign by The Gut Stuff, a startup that has the strapline: “Empowering gut health in everyone”.

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