My doctor says my cholesterol levels are insane and I have to eat healthily. My supermarket shop has changed overnight

Looking back, I believe it was the key lime pie that did it. In the first flush of the first lockdown I decided it was my right – no, my duty – to lift my spirits by eating as much junk food as I possibly could. Cakes, muffins; oh my god, so much sausage.

I’d throw an entire kielbasa into the frying pan, smother it in baked beans and round it off with a pound of cheddar. But it was the pies, I’m convinced, that pushed me over the edge. I put the key lime on automatic reorder at Whole Foods and polished one off, single-handedly, every two weeks.

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