SOMETIMES in the year 2001, I and my husband visited the Christian Books Expo staged at Victor Vanni Hall in Ikeja. My husband bought some books for me on marriage. There were about twelve of them. Even though I have not been able to read all of them page by page, I have read some chapters from each of the books, and many of them fascinated me.
Recently, I had a burden concerning spinsters who were unable to get the right suitors. And concerning some of the bachelors, even though they are sincerely in love, the sisters cannot trust them. I have been working on this as the Spirit directs me. My mind went to one of the books. It was co-authored by Derek Prince and his wife, Ruth Prince. It’s titled: “God Is A Match Maker.”
My attention was drawn to the second segment of this book where Dr. Prince explains the type of attitude we should have to make marriage a successful venture. These basic attitudes we think may have eyes nothing to do with marriage are given some weight through Derek’s insight. We know that they are vital to who we become in life. They are not only useful in marriage.
So, I decided to share with my readers these insights. I would want you to join me in prayers for all our spinsters and bachelors, that God should establish them in their own happy homes as He has promised. I believe you will be happy to share this burden with me. The four basic attitudes, according to the author, are:
- Your attitude towards marriage
- Your attitude towards yourself.
- Your attitude towards other people and more specifically.
- Your attitude toward your parents.
You will discover that in all human conduct, attitude precedes or determines our actions. Action is our outward reaction to our attitude which is internal. I want to think that is why the Bible warns us not to judge. The simple truth is that you cannot have all the facts. Until you have all the facts, if you judge or condemn, then, you are a wicked judge.
The dictionary meaning of attitude is the way you think and feel about something or a person. It also means your perception of something or somebody. And when you say basic, it means something forming the part of an entity that is most necessary and from which other things develop before anything is added. This implies that your perception of life must be right before anything can be added to you.
Let us first of all look at your attitude towards marriage, Are you prepared to approach marriage relationship with reverence and humility? Do you believe that only the supernatural grace of God can bring a man and a woman together in a relationship that is so sacred and grand like marriage? Your humility is revealed when you put your hands in God’s own and ask for divine direction through His leading so that God can guide you in what is right and teach you in His way at the right time.
More so, you need to ask yourself whether you believe in the institution. Do you have regard or respect for marriage? Do you see it as a way through which you plug into the will of God for your life? Answer these questions with all sincerity and then you can know why things have been this way.
Secondly, your attitude towards yourself is worthy of mention. A sense of self-worth is one of the most important elements in achieving success in life. Do not have a low self-esteem mentality about yourself and it could be dangerous to overcome yourself. There is a need for moderation as per how you score yourself. There are fundamental personal problems that come to mind that demoralize us sometimes. These include:
- My parents were divorced (were you the cause?)
- I have never made a success out of (God could use your marriage as a stepping stone into a great life as you take your right partner home and things begin to happen).
- I do not feel comfortable with people especially the opposite sex (rebuke the spirit of timidity in you. Remember you are unique in all There is something special about your person that the whole world is waiting for. So, you are special.)
- I am not from a wealthy and prosperous (You are created to bring wealth and prosperity into your family). Whatever negative aspects of life you may find yourself in, know that they are irrelevant to the great future ahead of you. Focus your life on what you demand of life.
Thirdly: your attitude towards other people. Self-centeredness is one of the most obvious effects of the devil’s influence on human life. Lack of consideration and sensitivity are two basic causes of unhappy marriages. When you treat your fellow human beings without consideration for their feelings, you will surely transfer the same attitude to your spouse, no matter how deep the love is.
It will show and that is a signal to whoever you are proposing to. Love is never blind. You need to shine your eyes. Lack of sensitivity and consideration for the feelings of others could lead to problems that manifest in various kinds of behaviour in marriages: a breakdown in communication is one of them.
Sexual unfaithfulness, arguing and quarrelling, building a separate independent life etc. are actions that follow an attitude. And these attitudes defeat the purpose of marriage. Two positive antidotes that act as a lubricant to keep two people flowing together in harmony are appreciation and thankfulness. Appreciation is the inward reaction to a good gesture while thankfulness is the outward expression of your happiness for enjoying what somebody has done or contributed to your life.
When you learn to appreciate people, people start to reciprocate. This will make you the kind of person who is easy to live with. Surprisingly, the fourth attitude is your attitude towards your parents. God says man shall cleave to his wife so that they become one.
He did not say we should forget or neglect our parents. If not, God would not have commanded us to honour our parents and then add a promise of well-being and longevity. There is no doubt that many young people have legitimate grievances. Many a time, children grow up in divided, strife-torn homes without any of the love care or discipline that every child has a right to from their parents.
But this does not justify a wrong attitude or resentment towards them. Even though they’ve failed to show you love and care. But the grace and love of God have upheld you to recognize the importance of love and care. Show God’s grace upon your life so that you can enjoy His blessings. So, as a young person, your inability to forgive your parents could be the reason for your delay. Do you know that your respectful submission to your parent could bring about a change in them? I have practised this and it worked for me.
Listen, I’m not saying you will agree with your parents on all things. It is possible to disagree strongly with them in some matters, yet maintain a respectful attitude towards them. Having the right attitude to our parents opens up the blessings and favour of God. Going contrary to God’s instruction in this area could lead to working under a closed heaven. This article is directed at our bachelors and spinsters who are yet to settle in their own joyful and peaceful marital homes.
I pray that this article will minister to their lives and lead them to a partner that God has chosen for them. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
