We are a success-oriented family and we believe in acquiring useful knowledge through reading.
The Book of Knowledge says: “We know we all possess knowledge. But the man who thinks he knows something does not know as he ought to. “This explains why we are tapping into the knowledge of one of the greatest personalities in Christendom worldwide today, Oral Roberts. This man of God has proof of the power in the word of God and in the name of Jesus Christ and possesses sixty-three (63) years of experience in marriage. It is not a common achievement! It is an enviable position to attain more, as they are still bubbling with enviable proof. They are a successful couple by any standard.
Our dearest couple, Oral and Evelyn Roberts share the seven secrets that sustain their marriage and ministry from their recent book titled “Still Doing the Impossible” (by Oral Roberts). Let’s learn from them as we entrust our home and marriage into the able hands of God for such “Grace”. Sit back and enjoy your reading with an open mind.
EVELYN and I have been married for 63 years-successfully. I am reminded of the old saying, “Without God cannot. Without me, He will not.”
Anything undertaken for God is a divine/human reciprocity. In this chapter, I hope to present a formula that Evelyn and I can attest really works and that pays enormous and lasting dividends. As I share these keys with you, it is with the understanding that we know we’re not perfect. We have had to labour through many tight situations, be open with each other, and rely on our prayer life. Above all, we earnestly desire to honor God and uphold our own integrity-not only as ministers of the gospel, but as plain human beings.
Consider these seven keys that have opened the doors to the most precious and productive marriage for us.
Key 1: We let God lead us to each other
We never moved toward one another on our own but waited until we knew God’s hand was bringing us together in ways we could not doubt were providential. Each of us was convinced that God had the right spouse for us. Each of us was committed to looking to Him, rather than just following our own wisdom.
I believe there is no substitute for marrying in God’s will and in His time.
I realize that many readers may already be married; perhaps some of you were married before you began serving God.
Some marriages that seemed born in Heaven turn out disastrously, and some marriages that did not start off well have turned out great. In our situation, Evelyn and I didn’t stop with trusting God that we were marrying in His perfect will. This same commitment to go God’s way was carried over by our wills into day-by-day life situations, and we continue that way to his day.
Frankly, we both have worked at our marriage with no letup, and it’s been worth it. I’m not talking about one of us working at it, but both of us. One can’t carry the load alone, and sometimes marriage is a load. But with God’s help, both partners can make the marriage succeed.
Key 2: We married for life
There was never any thought that if some serious trials came up we would part. We were married, period. Through these 63 years, not once have we considered separating or divorcing.
We’re both baptized with the Holy Spirit. According to First Corinthians 619-20 the Holy Spirit has made our bodies His temple we are bought with a price (Christ’s shed blood), and we are God’s property. That makes all the difference. We are literally not our own; we’re His. We accept this, think this way, and feel He is our covering.
We’re also basically engaged in “praying with the Spirit and with understanding’ as Paul taught
and practiced (see l Cor. 14:1-3; 13-15; Eph.6:18).
The whole of each spouse’s life has to be thought of in an inner sense. Our union was first of all spiritual. Although we are also physical and emotional, the spiritual is always paramount. After all, we are spiritual beings, with the physical body being the home of our spirit.
Key3: We found that being opposites in temperament is an integral part of our marriage success
Evelyn is of German descent, very organized, thrifty, work motivated, and most of all, of a steady temperament. She is not easily upset or angered and is able to bear a lot before she reaches the end of her endurance. I’m just the opposite. As part Cherokee Indian and the rest of Welsh descent, I’m quite Combustible and quick-tempered. I say things before I think, and they often do harm for which I have to apologize and try to make right. How often I’ve prayed that I could keep my big fat mouth closed a little longer!
But I’m blessed. Evelyn is the opposite. She helps to quiet me down, and she is wise enough to wait until I’m in a mood to listen to her. Our differences work quite well together. I am not methodical, except in the area of my ministry. She says she’s never met a more creative and organized preacher than l am. In other areas of my life, I need help.
I handle the Lord’s money very carefully (and some say wisely), but I’m not so skillful with our personal funds. For example, when we were in our thirties, she wanted me to put a certain amount, however small, in stocks, and then forget them until our old age. But no, I couldn’t see it. As a result, we never built a substantial estate.
I could have done much better. I could have paid down on a duplex or fourplex to earn money for us. I could have driven our car a year or two longer. I could have resisted investing in a farm that kept us broke. Oh, I was a wise one, all right. But Evelyn with her German instincts knows better. She put up with my mistakes until finally woke up. I realized that by my faith and diligence, I could provide for our last years without having to depend on my family or Oral Roberts University.
We want to be a burden to no one, but to trust God to be our Source of total supply. We know by proven experience that if we remain faithful to sowing our tithe as a seed, expecting God’s miracle harvest returns, all will be well. That’s our faith and our goal. I am proud to say it is working.
Key 4: We found that practicing a good sex life was connected far more closely to our spiritual development than we realized
The first thing God said to man was “Be fruitful, and multiply..” (Gen. 1:28). After the flood destroyed the human race and only Noah’s family remained, God said to Noah and his sons, Be fruitful, and multiply…” (Gen. 9:1). But sex is for more than procreation to continue the human race. Sex is also for continual enjoyment of life and physical release. In my study of the Bible, sex for procreation leaves us a half-person only. Both males and females are created with unlimited ability and desire to bring themselves into being one person sexually.
Take that away, and man and woman in marriage, first being spiritual beings, rob themselves of the very necessary physical and emotional release God created them to have on a continuing basis. Therefore, married couples should understand this and not feel inhibited in the sex act on a mutually worked-out basis that completes both.
Evelyn and I have thanked God many times for our understanding of this. It has contributed to the joyous success of our marriage, even into our later years.
Further, while sexual ability wanes in old age, as do all other functions of the body, we’ve found it important to our health and loving closeness to continue as often as possible. The spiritual is always foremost, but the sexual is closely interwoven with the spiritual aspects of one’s life.
A loving and consistent sex life that goes beyond child-bearing is what I believe to be one of life’s greatest fulfillments. Careful and consistent prayer and consideration must be given to it. I’ve known of too many otherwise promising marriages that shipwreck because of unfulfilled sex lives.
The explanation of the natural function of husband and wife is given by the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians7:1-5; Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power for his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it is with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempts you not for your incontinency Carefully notice these points from the Word of God:
- The best way to avoid fornication (and adultery) is a good marriage.
- Benevolence (kindly understanding) is to be practiced between husband and wife in sex.
- Withholding sex from one another is defrauding each other. It’s both wrong and
incompatible with a scriptural married life, except for a mutually agreed-on period of fasting and prayer (doing this together), and then resuming harmonious sex together again. This is for a most important reason: to prevent Satan from tempting either or both to be drawn sexually to someone outside their marriage.
THIS is the second and the concluding part of Oral Roberts insightful write-up on how to enjoy a successful marriage. I hope you find It enlightening as the first part. Enjoy!
THE lack of the Church’s teaching on this all-important subject and function was very hurtful. So I studied the Bible for myself and worked Out with my wife Gods ordained way for us to be fruitful” as well as to “multiply.
Evelyn and I discovered that one or two talks about sex are not enough. Having an openness to discuss it any time has saved us much resentment and lack of closeness. Also being affectionate both openly and in private contributes much to a normal, happy sex life.
With due respect to my parents, we children never saw them hug each other or kiss or show any outward affection in our presence. They managed to have a good marriage for 66 years. We knew they loved each other. However, it would have meant so much more had we seen them affectionate to each other some people view affection as wrong. I think it is out of place only if it is a put-an and not carried over into the bedroom and the rest of life. One of the highest compliments many people have given Evelyn and me is on the sincere and unabashed affection we have shown to each other.
The fact is both of us would be incomplete without showing affection to the other.
Key 5: We read the Bible and pray together beyond our personal Bible study and prayer times
This key has helped bind us closer together It is an indispensable way to think in God’s terms, rather than relying on our own understanding of life and of each other. Fortunately, we’re both readers and consistent students of God’s Word, which we prize above all. We also read books, newspapers, national news magazines, and value certain programs on television, radio, CDs, and tapes.
Although we separate the spiritual from the profane, we do not separate the spiritual from the secular. We respect the secular because all of us are both spiritual and secular in our make-up. It is wisdom to understand we’re not in Heaven yet. We should not be so heavenly minded we are of no earthly good. We are earthbound creatures until God calls us to our eternal home.
So our reading covers a great deal of life. The Bible, however, is our number one book, and books, tapes, etc. related to it. As we study the Bible individually or together, Evelyn and I find ourselves being integrated in the Word both when we are in church and in our daily lives. This is our way of life.
Key 6: Integrity of life and action is all-important in marriage.
Integrity was ingrained in me by my preacher-father, Reverend Ellis Melvin Roberts. Papa would never buy on credit unless it was the only way, the final way. He would not live with debt. Every dollar above his living expenses he paid on a debt until it was gone. Only then was he happy. He paid his bills strictly on time and often before! His credit was always good, although he seldom used it.
I must say he “ground” that into us children. Each one of us got it, believe me. To this day my total concern in financial matters of my ministry and personal life is to pay as I go. I have no debts if there is any way possible to avoid them, God called me to build Him a major university. I refused to borrow money, started with no money, and built it just by God’s command and faith.
That included the City of Faith Medical and Research Center. At a cost of almost $500 million, we opened all of it debt-free! Only when offerings to God’s work fell off dramatically in the late 1980s and early ’90s, did l and many others suffer a loss and all behind. Having to borrow money broke my heart. We’ve labored long and hard to overcome this terrible fallout in our finances.
Richard, my able son, who followed me as the second president and CEO of Oral Roberts University, has reduced the debt, and we expect to be completely out of debt again very soon. He has vowed never to be in debt again, and I’m in full Bible agreement with him. The Bible says, “Owe no man” (Rom. 13:8a). That’s my credo, my integrity of not being “servant to the lender” (Prov. 22:7b). I want to have the apostle’s integrity right up to the end. (See Second Timothy 4:7-8.)
My constant advice to ministers is, “Stay out of debt in your marriage and in your ministry.” I understand there are certain situations when borrowing seems necessary, but in most cases, you can by your faith pay as you go. If you’re building a building for your ministry, people will respond far more than they will in paying off debt. If you’re buying or building a home, or purchasing a new car, or buying anything else, remember God has given you faith to believe and save to secure these things altogether at least in substantial part-debt-free. You have to believe this in your heart, in your emotions,
and always remember that God says throughout his word ”The just shall live by faith(see Hab 2:4, Rom 1:17). Pay your bills! Be extra careful if using a credit card-save that ungodly interest! (I carry only the credit card, and I am careful never to spend more than I have in the bank on it). Guard your integrity.
Key 7: Morals and Christian behavior might be the most serious part of the marriage
Evelyn and I thank God we can honestly testify of clean living. We believe if there is a trip up, and it is faced quickly and squarely, it can be overcome. I do not believe God quickly for sake of anyone, and that most certainly includes not only His beloved ministers but each of us. He cares that much about us.
Not everyone called into the ministry has had a completely moral life. Then why did God call them? I believe He has no one to call to preach His gospel who has no weaknesses, shortcomings, or failures. None of us was ever perfect, and we’re not now. We are imperfect vessels. Fortunately, the majority of us are dedicated to God to the extent that we fight with our faith to be moral in every way, to keep our marriages, and to live an exemplary life.
If we see we have a tendency toward a certain weakness (we are all born with some form of weakness as a result of the fall and the curse of sin on man and the earth), we must honestly recognize and face that weakness. Instead of having the attitude, “I was born with this, and there’s nothing I can do about it,” we can face it. I with utter dependence on God, I with our will and purpose, I with prayer and faith, and with the right kind of pride which Joseph in the Old Testament had. For example:
When Joseph refused the invitation of Potiphar’s wife in Egypt to commit adultery with her, he said, “I will not sin against God by doing this, “and fled despite her false accusations. In spite of being thrown into jail, Joseph knows he was innocent. He eventually won, as we all will, f we follow his example. (See Genesis 39:7-15).
Admittedly, more is expected of ministers. There is less sympathy if we fail or fall, but why not? We represent the high calling of God. We preach the greatest gospel, the very power of God to save, heal, and change the world. Satan’s greatest desire and effort is to get into the minds and emotions of ministers. He tries to seduce them in areas of their inborn weaknesses, particularly the inclination to commit immoral acts and rebel against God. Then he tries to convince them that their sin won’t harm their marriage or ministry.
The Apostle Peter tells us, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversaries the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour” [1Pet. 5:8] When I entered marriage with Evelyn, she said. Oral when we marry, that’s it There’ll be no divorce in this family. She was speaking my language. A child of divorce herself, she had suffered because of it. She had made up her mind that divorce would not touch her marriage. I grew up under parents to whom divorce did not exist. They lived together for 66 years, committed to each other, and produced five children.
I had seen divorce almost wreck thee of my sister Jewel. When she was very young she had run off and married a handsome guy who turned out to be an escaped convict. Billie June., the one child of that union, was raised mostly by my parents.
After Jewel’s conversion, her second marriage lasted 60 years, and was blessed in every way. She and her husband had two daughters who, when grown, became women of God. As a young preacher, I was bitter against divorce. taking the letter of the Bible rather than the spirit of God’s Word. Later, I found you cannot connect with people in their weaknesses by putting the letter of the Bible above compassion. This can cause untold dangers.
Some ministers have divorce as the main theme of their preaching only to have divorce enter their family in some way. I learned to be wary of preachers who harp on one or two types of sin or shortcomings. I’m suspicious of them. It is better to stick with the ‘whole counsel of God (see Acts 20:27) and harmonize one Scripture with the rest of the Bible (see Lk. 24:27).
As Evelyn says so often, Marriage is not something you jump into with the idea if everything doesn’t go right, you can jump right out and look for another. God must be taken into consideration: What does He say?
There may be that rare occasion when a terrible mistake is made to begin with. Peace and harmony become impossible, and the marriage breaks up. If another marriage is sought, each must go back to God s basic principles for a right marriage, a successful marriage, and a lasting marriage. Just stop and remember, God can make your marriage work if you work with Him.
After 63 years of a happy, fruitful marriage. I want to emphasize the key issue to every young single or newlywed who desires similar precious results. The bottom line is that you must both know in your heart if hearts that God is in your marriage. You must be and do your part. At the same time look to God as your Source, ask for His help by sowing your seeds of faith continually, and learn to depend on Him as your Source to work things out in you and for you.
Then you will have a truly successful marriage. Not only will you be blessed, but you and your children will bless others because of your witness for the Lord. Marriage and family are our most precious gifts. My slogan for it is: It can be Done.
Also Read: Motivation Is Not Enough
