When my relationship imploded, I chose to remain alone and isolated. It was the start of a new, much happier life, in which I became the safe place I could always return to
Almost a decade ago, I lay on my back on the floor. Through the open window, I could hear the wind rattling loose stones and blackthorn. I was alone, which meant – although I didn’t know it yet – I had made it out of the worst years of my life.
A year earlier, depressed and in a state of heightened anxiety induced by the unhappy relationship I was in, I had looked for something to steady my mind and my hands. A lover of the medieval, I had got into painting illuminated manuscripts and would come up with imaginary commandments, one of which read: “If all else fails, just lie on the floor and wait for something to happen.” Now, I was.
