Prime minister unable to remember anything except the need for a brief apology

Always look on the bright side of life … At any other time, an appearance before the Covid inquiry might have been a bit of an uphill struggle. A nightmare, even. But compared with facing down all factions of an increasingly feral Conservative party over what his own home secretary calls the “batshit” Rwanda policy, a day out in Paddington answering questions from the ultra-smooth Hugo Keith was like a spa treatment. A gentle exfoliation.

Hell, what was the worst that could happen? Who cares if everyone thinks you’re an incompetent dweeb who wasn’t that bothered if people lived or died. Right now, his priority was surviving in Downing Street until Christmas. Something that was by no means guaranteed. The Tories were now so certifiable, the Daily Telegraph and the Daily Mail were campaigning for the dream team of Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage. Arise Lord Boris. Arise Lord Nige. Because the answer to batshit crazy is to get batshit crazier.

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