Email! “Surely on the heating front,” says Tony Cunningham, “by the time your wife gets back from the pool it’ll be several degrees warmer anyway (and warmer than the pool) so you can pretend the heating has been on and she’ll never know … unless she reads what you write for The Guardian.”

This had occurred to me – and she’ll also be coming out of a car so hot it should be illegal. There is much more chance this ruse succeeds than there is she reads these words.

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