The politician’s robotic appearance on Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins sees him punched and abused – while reciting the same old excuses. Why is he doing this again? How do we stop it?

I regret to inform you that Matt Hancock is at it again. Almost a year since he gulped down a glass of liquidised meal worms on I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!, and just weeks after using TikTok to out himself as the least competent lip-syncer alive, he has chosen to continue his grimly endless redemption tour by appearing on one of television’s most grimly endless shows – Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins.

Judging by the first episode, it is business as usual. He is taken to the rain-soaked Vietnamese jungle and pushed into a lake. He walks a tightrope. He gets punched in the face by a retired footballer. Someone yells at him for running “like a fucking ostrich”. He takes it all on the chin with no real emotion, good or bad, to the point where it starts to feel as if you’re watching the first 15 minutes of a Black Mirror episode about a robot that takes so much abuse it snaps and kills everyone.

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