From tragic cucumber jokes to whipping up some ancient Egyptian spermicide, this Amanda Holden and Dan Jones vehicle is an embarrassment from start to finish. You’ll cringe yourself inside out

When discussing how to make a documentary about the South Seas palatable to the masses, the film producer Hunt Stromberg is reported to have said: “Let’s fill the screen with tits.”

Those were the days, my friend, and they went on long enough for women in particular to think they would never end. But times change – and breast coverage changes, too. The desperation of commissioners to find a seemingly legitimate way to get women’s bodies on screen in this increasingly dreadful era of wokeness is becoming palpable. I feel so sorry for them.

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