As families get together at Christmas, money is one of the last things many will want to talk about. It can feel awkward, not very festive, and, if it goes wrong, lead to fallouts.
But if there are conversations about finances you have been putting off, broaching them while the family is together can often make good sense. A well-planned conversation about issues such as wills, care needs, managing bills or money attitudes can help avoid strife further down the line.
Shaun Moore, chartered financial planner at wealth manager Quilter, says: ‘It is all too easy to put these challenging conversations off for another day. Given the current cost-of-living pressures being faced, having a sensible conversation about money could have a profound impact on someone’s life. With the whole family there at Christmas – which is often a time where financial issues arise – it is the perfect time to broach the subject.’
In a tangle: As families get together at Christmas, money is one of the last things many will want to talk about
But bringing up difficult issues in a non-confrontational way is easier said than done. Here are six top tips from experts.
1) Plan in advance
Key to a successful conversation is planning, says Simonne Gnessen, founder of Wise Monkey Financial Coaching. ‘If possible, set the scene in advance,’ she says. ‘Ask family members if you can have a chat about an issue you are concerned about, and set a time and a day to do it. When a conversation feels like it has been sprung on you, that is when it can fall foul.’
2) Be curious… and unhurried
Make sure you take the time to ensure that everyone in the conversation feels heard. This takes time and empathy.
Diana Chambers, a family wealth mentor, says: ‘Select a time and place where you can have an unhurried, uninterrupted talk. Then listen carefully in a spirit of curiosity to understand what the other person is trying to say. And hold yourself and others in a kind and compassionate light – each of us is doing the best we can.’
3) Talk about other people
If it is difficult at first to talk directly about your own situation, try talking about other people first, says Faye Church, senior financial planning director at Investec Wealth & Investment. She adds: ‘For example, if you want to talk to an elderly parent about their care needs you could say something like: ‘My colleague’s dad fell last month and now he needs a bit of help around the house. You had a fall – do you think something like that could be helpful for you too?’
‘Or, if you want to bring up estate planning, you could mention that you have read in the newspaper that more families are having to pay inheritance tax and ask: ‘Do you think our family could be affected?’
4) How to make it more fun
Games can make difficult money chats more light-hearted, says Gnessen. For example, she suggests a card game called Money Habitudes, which helps reveal family members’ different attitudes towards money. There are also a number of financial personality quizzes online, which may also open up conversations.
Jason Butler, a leading financial wellbeing expert, suggests that some good questions can help get the conversation going. For example:
- If you had all the money you could ever need, how would you live or change your life?
- If money was a person and you invited them over for dinner, what type of person would they be and why do you think that?
- Think of a time when you felt you had a great handle on your finances. Describe how you felt, thought and acted.
5) Other topics to discuss
There are some topics that are beneficial for most families to talk about. Moore suggests discussing whether wills are accurate and up to date, or if family members have Power of Attorney in place so that they can have their wishes carried out if they are no longer able themselves. He adds that inheritance tax planning can also be a useful conversation.
6) Share your money values
Discussing attitudes to money can also be invaluable. Butler says: ‘Parents and grandparents can help younger family members develop healthy money values and skills by sharing stories about what they learned about money when they were growing up – whether positive or negative – and how that affected them in adult life.’
He adds: ‘Families can highlight good money role models or mentors (whether within the family or outside) and how these people have helped them to get ahead.’
