Swans don’t sing, they honk – like clowns hitting the horn on their unicycles.

When I think of a swan I think of an ostrich; when I think of a swan and an ostrich, I think of an ostrich swimming, its long legs waving around beneath the surface as it blinks its giant, vague eyes. But of course the most common comparison is with a goose – would a swan seem so perfect if there were not usually a goose hissing somewhere nearby?

The composer Orlando Gibbons (great name), born in England in 1583, wrote a swan song-themed madrigal. As the bird dies, she sings, “Farewell, all joys! O Death, come close mine eyes! / More Geese than Swans now live, more Fools than Wise.”

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