The world is burning and France is fixated on whether women wear long sleeves to have a swim – a furore with obvious roots in the county’s deep Islamophobia

Hello and welcome to the Get a Grip prize, which I just invented. The GAG award is given on an ad hoc basis to a country doing a standout job of humiliating itself on the global stage by fixating on something ridiculous while the world burns. The award honours those who seem to have lost all sense of perspective and gently urges them to try worrying about something more important.

There are many contenders for the inaugural GAG award, but I have decided to give it to France. There is plenty happening in France, yet huge swathes of the populace are still exerting embarrassing amounts of energy arguing about how much flesh you need to show in order to set foot in a public pool or resort. The French are obsessed (OBSESSED!) with debating the question of appropriate swimwear and it is getting very cringe.

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