The lost mobile that could have explained it all, the jaw-dropping quotes, the battle of the outfits … the only ones benefiting from this libel case are the rubberneckers

There are battles. There are libel battles. And then there is … Wagnarok. Yesterday afternoon, several hours into her cross-examination in the high court, Rebekah Vardy returned from an emotional break in proceedings to observe from the witness box: “It’s been a very long few days.” Yeah, well. Chat shit get banged.

It was Rebekah’s husband, Jamie Vardy, who first uttered that deathless adage, back in 2011 when he was playing non-league football, though weirdly he wasn’t actually making a heavily ironic comment on Britain’s libel laws. Spool forward to the present day, though, and we have to ask: which shit-chatter is getting banged in the high court? Is it defendant Coleen Rooney, against whom Rebekah chose – actually chose! – to bring this action, with Vardy’s pretrial legal costs alone estimated at £1m? Or is the shit-chatter in fact the sender of messages including “[I] would love to leak those stories”, and “I want paying for this”? Or, to put it much more iconically, is the shit-chatter … Rebekah Vardy’s account?

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